A rough Anatomy of Kenya’s politicos

The Liberals

They believe they are custodians of the reform agenda. They perpetually call for reform for the benefits of the less fortunate members of the society (you noticed they didn’t say poor). Never mind most of these folks have never crossed Tom Mboya Street .Almost all their press conferences are held in swankiest hotels during the end of the year retreat in Mombasa or Naivasha. They are the first to energetically criticize the Universal Free Primary Education or the 8.4.4 system although they all attended St Mary‘s and some studied abroad. And their children are attending private international schools. Their preferred subject of study is largely law or IT recently. Their music tastes; classics, Jazz and soul. Their favorite sports: formula 1, rugby and golf.

The Secularist

They are mostly closeted religious type. During the day they hold the official line, the state and the church should be separate, but at night, they have no qualms seeking the religious leaders blessings when seeking political office. LGBT is a huge issue in their advocacy, until one of their children is involved .

The Communists/Lefties

Washed up, wannabe and near been lefties are an endangered species in Kenya‘s politics. They are always on the margins of politics, and in the digital Kenya they are nearly extinct. The older ones still keep a goatee, Kaunda suit and Sahara boots, but the new one’s are dreadlocked. They still call each other comrades and believe every demonstration will lead to a revolution, with Unga revolution their latest baby. Music Taste: reggae and Bob especially emancipate yourself from mental slavery. Education: Nairobi University in the late 70’s and early 80’s Popular hangout: Jee Vanjee garden, the national theatre Residence: Eastland’s where the real people live. They still quote Marx.

The Moist (Moi)

They predominantly live in state of denial, they still hang on to the notion b Moi’s state will return in a different iteration Their favorite quote is Moi said mtanimiss. Or you know during Moi corruption was decentralized, we at least eat the crumbs, now the corruption train centralized and is run like a tight ship. Some have joined the state and have conveniently appropriated the language of the reform from the liberals.

The Techno-fallacists

They are young, urban and IT savvy. They are mostly educated in the West or in some of the good universities in Kenya. Their righteous indignation about the terrible state of Kenya is only matched by the naivety and ignorance of the political dynamics. In their little echo chamber they think app-fication of all problems is the end in itself; Police is corrupt, lets have an app, election violence, lets have an app. Bless them. Their meeting place is Java, Nakumatt, those outside Tom Mboya. Their dream to create a silicon – or is it Savannah Valley in Kenya.

Happy Holidays


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